Motherhood is the very hardest and most beautiful journey I have ever experienced.
Every other week we ask a Real Mom if they would like the NurtureGoods experience. These moms use a breast pump from NurtureGoods in order to describe and share their experiences. In this way, we hope to raise awareness of the NurtureGoods experience and help you make a choice. This week it's mom Jasmine's turn. Will you read along?
Jasmine's NurtureGoods experience (Instagram @thelittlekayafamilyy)
My story as a new mom - Overcoming, Cherishing and Enjoying
From the beginning when I was pregnant, I always said I wanted to breastfeed. This seemed to me as a mom the healthiest for my baby and the most beautiful thing there is. I still think that way. Unfortunately, my labor was so intense that as soon as he was born I couldn't breastfeed him because of my medication. Zayn was not fed for the first few days, they said he could go on reserves for a while. After 2 days I was able to feed him and this went reasonably well, but when I came home it all went wrong... the maternity nurse told me to just pump, pump and pump. It hurt me so much, I was tired, I was a broken mama and I had had such an intense delivery. My husband then had to feed Zayn and I kept pumping continuously. We were both broken we couldn't take it anymore. Until at one point I also got such bad fissures from nursing, an infection, I don't know what it was. I had given up.
Nothing came out even though I pumped every 10 min. Two weeks later Zayn was lying on my chest, he was hungry and crying. I couldn't get him to calm down and he was searching for food. My heart broke, I cried and felt like a bad mom. Had I given up too soon? This is what he needs, this is healthy for him and I so want that bond with him too. All I could do was cry, I felt so awful! All those moms on Instagram who can do it. Everyone around me just breastfeeds too much and with me it just doesn't come out. Nothing comes out at all.
Then as a last hope I called in a lactation consultant, because I could not give up. I tried for 2 or 3 more days but nothing came out and the pain started again. I was pumping again, crying. The pump was very nice because the pads are very soft on the inside. Unfortunately it did not help me much, I hope that if I have a second baby I will succeed and that I can ask the lactation expert to help me with this so that together we can do everything we can to make it work. As a mom I still feel guilty sometimes, that I can't give Zayn what he really needs. And that we don't have those "moments together" when he is snuggled up with me drinking. The days when he was on for a while felt so magical. But I do want to say to all women who also go through this: don't feel like a bad mom, sometimes you can't do anything about it. Even though you want it so badly, maybe it's not for us right now. But our time will come. Your child is not going to love you any more or less and he will grow up anyway. Take those "moments together" anyway. Take your little one with you and cuddle after a bottle. That helps me a lot. I hope to use the pump with my next one, it was a great pump, but unfortunately I didn't have any production.
Motherhood is the very hardest and most beautiful journey I have ever experienced. It is bizarre how much love such a little one can give. How it turns your life upside down and makes it complete at the same time. He gives a love you've never felt before and when he cries also a pain in your heart you've never had before. Even though the real delivery was super tough for me and hurt so much, I would do it over again so many times when I see what you get in return. Every day is different as a mom and every day you see him grow more. Every day he can do a little bit more and since this week he really starts to laugh with sound. That is the most beautiful thing there is!
Don't worry about the mother mafia you are going to have to deal with, everybody has to deal with it at some point unfortunately because they are everywhere. They said to me wait until he's here, then you can't do this and that anymore. You can never sleep in again as a mom, your marriage will be different. I didn't care but still you remember it and you are prepared because you think they have experience. Sure it's tough but it's really not as bad as the mother mafia conveyed it to me. I am still sleeping in, my baby is very chill and my marriage is also still going perfectly. Don't be scared and enjoy the super wonderful time.